What's changed?
Saturday July 19, 2008

I can’t help but wonder what has happened to me over the last few years… I think I’ve changed, but I’m not sure how. Something has changed in the way I perceive myself, but I am not sure I can (or it is possible I just don’t want to) identify what it is clearly enough to actually fix it.

I don’t think that it’s because I’m not very social. I’ve never been a social butterfly, and even with the extra effort I’ve put in lately (mostly due to insistence from Vincent and my doctor) it’s not really rocking my world.

I think I need to learn how to be happy with myself again. I wonder what happened to my self esteem. And I think I need to learn control again. Where did I lose my self control? And where did I find all this rage?

I feel like I’m free falling, and even though the ground is nowhere in sight, and I probably won’t get hurt when I hit the ground, I don’t have a parachute and the uncertainty is killing me.