I always hate it when my sister starts complaining about the way she looks, or asks me whether or not she “looks fat in this”. There are some questions that you can’t answer without causing… problems.
The problem is that if body image is such a huge issue these days and being satisfied with who you are is the ultimate goal, why do I feel like I’m letting people down when I’m not happy with certain aspects of my physical appearance?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m about 90% satisfied with who I am, but I can’t stand it when people see me and think that I shouldn’t be disappointed with my body because I’m not overweight or whatever else.
Gah, don’t mind me. I’m in a bad mood today. It always happens around this time of year when I start thinking about what I want for the coming year. I always want more than I can afford and it gets me down.
Take for example my glasses. I found a pair that I really really really wanted, but I can’t afford them. $870 without the prescription lenses is way too much for me even with my health insurance.
Or tuition. I really want to go back to uni and study for a masters degree in either multimedia or management (yes, two very different worlds) but every year I’ve said I’ll do it, I don’t end up having enough money because I’ve had to spend it on something else (important things such as dental work or car repairs etc, not frivolous things). I hate that I can’t do this.
Sometimes it feels like I work so hard but my life is hollow. I’ve worked so hard at being good and responsible and considerate that I’m not having fun and that I can’t do the things I really want.
Somebody give me balance cos I’m not doing a very good job working it out myself.
Any suggestions?
I’ve been wondering what to write here… I miss being able to write about work and all that, but when I started my current job I decided for the sake of professionalism that I wouldn’t write about specific projects I was working on, or about my work colleagues.
It was fun though, when I worked at UTS, blogging about my day, where I was at and all that =) It was really good to see my progression… I don’t want to start another blog (too much work!!) but I would like to do this again…
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Today started off a little poorly… I got to work and realised that I had forgotten my security card. I rang up to the office but nobody answered the phone – it appears that they were outside enjoying the good weather. Hehe.
But I think that was the low point of my day.
I’ve been working on a myriad of different projects lately. Yesterday was quite cool because my manager has started assigning me my “own” projects. I have been doing project coordination lately, which means that there is still another project manager, I just help out with things. Being assigned my “own” projects means that I’m project managing instead, which is a pretty big step for shy and timid Skye =)
But today is a little annoying. I’m working on this project at the moment, which is at the top of my “projects I hate” list. It’s one of those projects that just never goes right – even when you think you’re on the right track. Projects like this I really need to learn how to handle differently.
The biggest problem about this project is that I’m the knowledgebase. I’m the only one that knows how the course functions and I’m the only person that knows how to replicate that functionality. That makes it hard for me because I have noone to bounce ideas off, and when things go wrong nobody else can step in if I need a break. The stress is monumental and I’m not always sure how to deal with it.
One of the things I have been trying to do, to combat this kind of stress, is when I walk out of work, to tell myself “the working day is over, don’t think about it until tomorrow morning”. Something that I have noticed with a lot of people is that they can’t separate their working life from their home life and that can be really detrimental to their health. When you start dreaming about work and having anxiety about work outside of work, you need to learn to step back and put it out of your mind.
It’s surprising just how well this tactic can work.
Over the last few months I have applied to DOCS to get all of my original papers (me being adopted and all, I don’t have anything like that).
To cut a long story short though, I received my papers in the mail the other day. I have everything except my birth certificate.
You know, it’s strange. No matter how much you know something about yourself or your past, it still hurts when you see it on paper.
I can’t really explain why it upsets me so much, that there is still an “unknown” in the “father” fields of all of my papers. But it does. I guess at some level, you can’t help but feel hurt that nobody – when you were born – really wanted you.
My (adoptive) parents really want me to apply for my birth certificate because they believe that it will “fill in” the blanks for me and be a good thing… and I don’t think that they’ll understand why I’m so hesitant to get this final piece of “information”.
So what do you think I should do? If you were in this position, would you want your original birth certificate?
By the way, please don’t just tell me to “follow my heart” because I need some solid advice right now…
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